Shut up, Brian

Fine. I'll blog. Because frankly, I'm giving in to everyone lately.

Luke, in particular. He's missed two of the last three days of school because he didn't want to go and I didn't want to argue with him. I really won't argue with Luke about much of anything lately, and for this, I admit that I suck. And if I'm going to be completely honest, I would also have to admit the primary reason he did not want to go to school is because such an outing would interrupt his marathon viewing of Tom & Jerry Go To Mars. $4.75 at Target buys so much joy for that child. I'm not proud of this.

But while we're on the subject, I'll give you a little update on Luke that wasn't quite worthy of the Christmas letter. He won't drink a smoothie unless he gets to help make it. He won't bathe unless Mr. Bubble joins him in the tub. He generally won't eat dinner unless popcorn, cheese or crackers are served as a side dish, and even then, he'll only eat that side dish. Two nights ago his dinner consisted of 5 pieces of string cheese (but it was organic, so that's ok, right?). His favorite word is "butt." He adds to it any sentence to make that sentence funny. At Christmas at my parents' house, when he was DRUNK off of the m&ms that my mother was willingly doling out to him by the handful, he came into the living room to serenade everyone with Jingle Bells. It was a lovely rendition by a drunken 3 year-old, slurred speech and all. Then he announced he was going to single "the funny one." I figured we'd get the "batman smells" version, a perennial favorite. But instead, he sang the entire song, just as before, but at the end, he shouted "BUTT!" Then he lauged hysterically, grabbed another handful of m&ms and disappeared into the basement. He passed out about 45 minutes later.

Yesterday, I walked into the boys' room to hear Noah telling Luke that he didn't want Luke to put his penis in Noah's face. Why would Noah ever have to utter such a sentence? Because Luke's favorite thing to do these days is de-pants himself and dance around the house, demanding that everyone check out his butt (and more recently, his winkie). And speaking of Luke's penis, there's something wrong with it because when he pees, the stream is at a minimum of a 45-degree angle, even when he points it straight down. He's been known to piss in his own face. He goes through several pairs of underwear each day, that is, if he's even willing to put underwear on in the first place. He's a big fan of freeballing.

I think I need to make an appointment with my therapist.